Worry, anxiety, questioning, fear- these are all things that rise up when you doubt the sovereignty of the Lord. 

To be honest, I worry... a lot.

I worry about this next year of my life. I worry about missing out. I worry about sickness. I worry about losing control. I worry about friendships. I worry about relationships. I worry about people's opinions of me. I worry about disappointing people.

It is so easy to drown in a pit of worry. Though, it is here that I have to ask myself where I place my identity. I am not my fear, so then why does it have such a control over me?

This makes me think of the quote "you are what you eat". If ya eat straight frying oil, you will probably become pretty unhealthy and sick, whereas if you indulge in a balanced food pyramid diet you will be healthy and lively. In a way, this is similar to what I have said to those around me many, you will reflect what you invest your time in. If I spend so much time indulging in my fears and worrying about them, I will become defined by my worry and there will be unhealthy consequences.

Though, why would I do this when I have the greater hope of Jesus?! Jesus is love. Jesus is peace. Jesus is a firm foundation. Jesus, the son of God, came down to earth, where he was nailed to the cross for our sins and rose again- CONQUERING DEATH. Because of the love of Jesus, if we accept this and place our faith in this amazing hope, believing that Jesus is our Lord and Savior, we will be reconciled with Him. This is such great news. If we indulge in this great great great food, growth and health will spring out of it. 

Though, with such great hope, why do I still worry? It seems like such a clear answer- focus on Jesus. Last night, I was laying in my room just overwhelmed by anxieties and fear. I try to stay in control of everything in my life, yet when it falls apart, I fall apart. Sometimes it is easier to fall back on the unhealthy patterns of life because it feels more accessible and tangible. Sometimes it really is so hard giving away the control to something that really is out of our hands. 

Even though we are saved and sanctified, it is a daily battle against evil and the world. Satan spends every ounce of his energy trying to pull us away. 

So, yes, there is this GREAT hope but it is a GREAT struggle to abide in it, but when we ABIDE IN HIS LOVE growth and beauty and security and love flow out. 

If I put as much time and identity and effort into contemplating and worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ, I will be so much stronger. My prayer has been that I will truly place Jesus as my hope and foundation. In Colossians 3:1-2, it says "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." 

God is so much greater than all my worries and anxieties. What power does the things of this world hold over me? 

My daily prayer is the strength to fight the fight and walk in the ways of the Lord. 

Even though worry and doubt and distraction still plague me, I know I have a greater hope. I have never felt as loved and at peace and overjoyed as when I truly grasp onto His truth and strive to abide in his love.

He is enough. Even though I will fall, He is always there to pull me back and show me the good news and hope.

God is good! You are loved! It is crazy to think that I go to boot camp in one week- ahh! So excited to meet everyone and begin this amazing adventure and grow more in my faith!